How come you have time to make all the girls fall in love with you, but you don't pay attention to the girl who already is.....love is nothing but hard, and easy, and lovely.
It's frustrating, and intoxicating.
But you should never give up on it.....
Friday, March 11, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Poem No One In The World
It's not unusual to be in love with more than one person.
It's not unusual to be in love at any age in your life.
But when you feel as if the crush you have has turned into love, you think over everything.
Everything you've gone through with him, and what could continue.
But, when you think over how no one in the world could understand the constant reminder of him every single day in your life, you then realize something.
Love is overpowering him, himself.
He's not the problem I have.
It's the feeling of love hitting me like a gust of wind hitting a branch on a tree.
But instead of the branch quietly moving back and forth,
it breaks, and is now on the ground.
Love startles me, as it takes over, and how I run through the wind, as I look back at everything we've gone through, I can see the broken branch.
It's not unusual to be in love at any age in your life.
But when you feel as if the crush you have has turned into love, you think over everything.
Everything you've gone through with him, and what could continue.
But, when you think over how no one in the world could understand the constant reminder of him every single day in your life, you then realize something.
Love is overpowering him, himself.
He's not the problem I have.
It's the feeling of love hitting me like a gust of wind hitting a branch on a tree.
But instead of the branch quietly moving back and forth,
it breaks, and is now on the ground.
Love startles me, as it takes over, and how I run through the wind, as I look back at everything we've gone through, I can see the broken branch.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Chapter 1 of Love Disorders.
Let's go back.
Back to the beginning.
Back to where I began my story as Rain Parker. The fourteen year old who's living in the bitter cold of Wisconsin, with a life with my father, living in a two story house, which is unfortunately- right beside the school.
It was a Monday, and I have half an hour to get ready for school, and for my dad. My dad's been ill for a long time. He might have lung cancer; always smoked, but quit the month that I was born- fourteen years ago. It seems that the damage was already done, and apparently so is he; stuck sitting on a couch, eating, and sleeping, and trying to help me, but he's making himself more sick by even trying to drive me to school.
And that's where my best friend James' mom helps me. She's driving me to school, even though it would only take about fifteen minutes to walk, but theres a chance of being slammed by the traffic in school mornings, from tired, idiotic people who decide to get jobs that'll make them have to work for a living; idiots.
I skipped breakfast, and ran out to James' car.
It's any old school day today. Locker, classroom to classroom, only class I'm really fond of is History. The past seems alot more interesting to me, then the future. Talk about robots? Talking electronics and all this other stuff that seems complicated and annoying. I mean, whats wrong with what we have now?
After school, I headed home by the bus.
The scholarship kids here hate the bus. Wishing it never existed. Then the rich, spoiled rotten brats that try to think of it as a large yellow limo think the same thing. But if you're like me who is on scholarship, yet has a good chunk of cash, I think of it as my only time to be by myself and think over life.
Whenever I got home, I opened up the front door, and I saw my dad sitting on the couch. Amazing at the fact the TV was on. He never watches TV. He hates actors, making his life seem fake, or that's just what he tells me every time I watch TV or go see a movie with my best friend James.
"Hey dad."
"Oh, hey hon." 'he said as he put his water down.' "How was school?"
"Fine." I replied.
"How about history class?"
"Great, as always."
"Great." he replied, as he lied back down on the couch and started to make fun of the actors running in the serious moments.
No changes any day. Not a single difference. Same questions, same reactions, and the same results on his tests apparently. I saw the folders on the kitchen table saying he's not getting any better.
All he could try doing was to hang around the house, but he keeps sleeping off days.
I'm practically the mom of the house.
My mom and dad divorced when i was about five or six. She stayed where we used to live, but my dad left, and apparently took me with him. Five years old and six years old time sucked for me.
I went upstairs to read the books from the library, since I had no homework, and I'm not that crazy about TV, as in watching it every single moment of every day.
I fell asleep after I read the book.
In the middle of the night, I was woken up by my dad's constant couching downstairs. He called his doctor, and they said they were on their way.
I would've seen this coming earlier. And apparently, so did the doctors.
I went to James' house early in the morning, since I couldn't stay with my dad.
Another day at school again.
Yet, during the classes, the only thing on my mind was whats happening to him right now at home.
I'm not allowed to be around him for too long, since they think his coughing might be contagious.
When it was History class, James got my books for me, and we sat together. And to make matters worse, we got a substitute.
Great. My favorite subject in the world, and we get a substitute with so much gel in his hair, and a heart being stabbed by a knife tatoo on his arm. What kind of person can focus with a teacher who looks like a washed up Elvis Presley? Apparently no one, because everyone was either falling asleep, or trying to say awake. Me, I was trying to actually think of the subject of the Civil War he was explaining, but I was about to fall on my book and sleep. I just wanted to go home.
Whenever we were able to go home, the bus stopped at my house, and I saw the door- wide open. I got paranoid real easily. Did he fall? Did someone break in? Was it just the wind? I hated thinking about it. I dropped my stuff and ran inside. I saw him sitting on the couch, coughing as hard as he could. I started yelling out "dad" and tried to help him. I grabbed the cane he used to keep his balance, and put it up under the door handle to keep it open. I called 911 and then I called James. James got here first, and he helped me try to keep my dad up before the ambulance came.
Whenever they finally got here, they set him down in the bed, and gave him an oxygen mask.
I kept pacing back and forth, trying to stay calm but kept panicing, as in having some trouble breathing and losing my breath alot.
None of it shouldve led to this. I thought he was getting better.....
James' mom gave me and him a ride to the hospital.
We were stuck in the waiting room while they ran his newest tests and tried to get answers of what caused this. I kept pacing back and forth, again.
"Oh, God. What's gonna happen? Why haven't they given us any answers yet?" I say to James, trying to think of some answers.
"Rain, calm down. You'll be alright. So will your dad." James said, as he gave me a friendy hug trying to help me breathe.
"What's gonna happen to me if he's not OK?" I say, as I let go.
The doctors came oustide, and me and James ran to them.
"Well?" I say, dyingfor an answer.
"He's not OK. And- he won't be." 'he says.' "I'm sorry."
Now, my heart felt like it was gonna stop.
"So what's gonna happen to me?" I ask.
"Do you have contact with any of your other family members?" he says.
"My mom." I say.
Back to the beginning.
Back to where I began my story as Rain Parker. The fourteen year old who's living in the bitter cold of Wisconsin, with a life with my father, living in a two story house, which is unfortunately- right beside the school.
It was a Monday, and I have half an hour to get ready for school, and for my dad. My dad's been ill for a long time. He might have lung cancer; always smoked, but quit the month that I was born- fourteen years ago. It seems that the damage was already done, and apparently so is he; stuck sitting on a couch, eating, and sleeping, and trying to help me, but he's making himself more sick by even trying to drive me to school.
And that's where my best friend James' mom helps me. She's driving me to school, even though it would only take about fifteen minutes to walk, but theres a chance of being slammed by the traffic in school mornings, from tired, idiotic people who decide to get jobs that'll make them have to work for a living; idiots.
I skipped breakfast, and ran out to James' car.
It's any old school day today. Locker, classroom to classroom, only class I'm really fond of is History. The past seems alot more interesting to me, then the future. Talk about robots? Talking electronics and all this other stuff that seems complicated and annoying. I mean, whats wrong with what we have now?
After school, I headed home by the bus.
The scholarship kids here hate the bus. Wishing it never existed. Then the rich, spoiled rotten brats that try to think of it as a large yellow limo think the same thing. But if you're like me who is on scholarship, yet has a good chunk of cash, I think of it as my only time to be by myself and think over life.
Whenever I got home, I opened up the front door, and I saw my dad sitting on the couch. Amazing at the fact the TV was on. He never watches TV. He hates actors, making his life seem fake, or that's just what he tells me every time I watch TV or go see a movie with my best friend James.
"Hey dad."
"Oh, hey hon." 'he said as he put his water down.' "How was school?"
"Fine." I replied.
"How about history class?"
"Great, as always."
"Great." he replied, as he lied back down on the couch and started to make fun of the actors running in the serious moments.
No changes any day. Not a single difference. Same questions, same reactions, and the same results on his tests apparently. I saw the folders on the kitchen table saying he's not getting any better.
All he could try doing was to hang around the house, but he keeps sleeping off days.
I'm practically the mom of the house.
My mom and dad divorced when i was about five or six. She stayed where we used to live, but my dad left, and apparently took me with him. Five years old and six years old time sucked for me.
I went upstairs to read the books from the library, since I had no homework, and I'm not that crazy about TV, as in watching it every single moment of every day.
I fell asleep after I read the book.
In the middle of the night, I was woken up by my dad's constant couching downstairs. He called his doctor, and they said they were on their way.
I would've seen this coming earlier. And apparently, so did the doctors.
I went to James' house early in the morning, since I couldn't stay with my dad.
Another day at school again.
Yet, during the classes, the only thing on my mind was whats happening to him right now at home.
I'm not allowed to be around him for too long, since they think his coughing might be contagious.
When it was History class, James got my books for me, and we sat together. And to make matters worse, we got a substitute.
Great. My favorite subject in the world, and we get a substitute with so much gel in his hair, and a heart being stabbed by a knife tatoo on his arm. What kind of person can focus with a teacher who looks like a washed up Elvis Presley? Apparently no one, because everyone was either falling asleep, or trying to say awake. Me, I was trying to actually think of the subject of the Civil War he was explaining, but I was about to fall on my book and sleep. I just wanted to go home.
Whenever we were able to go home, the bus stopped at my house, and I saw the door- wide open. I got paranoid real easily. Did he fall? Did someone break in? Was it just the wind? I hated thinking about it. I dropped my stuff and ran inside. I saw him sitting on the couch, coughing as hard as he could. I started yelling out "dad" and tried to help him. I grabbed the cane he used to keep his balance, and put it up under the door handle to keep it open. I called 911 and then I called James. James got here first, and he helped me try to keep my dad up before the ambulance came.
Whenever they finally got here, they set him down in the bed, and gave him an oxygen mask.
I kept pacing back and forth, trying to stay calm but kept panicing, as in having some trouble breathing and losing my breath alot.
None of it shouldve led to this. I thought he was getting better.....
James' mom gave me and him a ride to the hospital.
We were stuck in the waiting room while they ran his newest tests and tried to get answers of what caused this. I kept pacing back and forth, again.
"Oh, God. What's gonna happen? Why haven't they given us any answers yet?" I say to James, trying to think of some answers.
"Rain, calm down. You'll be alright. So will your dad." James said, as he gave me a friendy hug trying to help me breathe.
"What's gonna happen to me if he's not OK?" I say, as I let go.
The doctors came oustide, and me and James ran to them.
"Well?" I say, dyingfor an answer.
"He's not OK. And- he won't be." 'he says.' "I'm sorry."
Now, my heart felt like it was gonna stop.
"So what's gonna happen to me?" I ask.
"Do you have contact with any of your other family members?" he says.
"My mom." I say.
Cold Summer to Love Disorders
Hey my people.
Hopefully, as you have already read the Epilogue, I'm changing the title of the bok Cold Summer to Love Disorders.
At first, I thought that Cold Summer was really riviting, and it is, but I think Love Disorders will describe the bok alot better. At least I hope so.
Anyways, the chapters will be posted in a number of weeks, maybe about three weeks? I don't know, it'll take time.
Anyhow, I'm getting started on them. (:
Hopefully, as you have already read the Epilogue, I'm changing the title of the bok Cold Summer to Love Disorders.
At first, I thought that Cold Summer was really riviting, and it is, but I think Love Disorders will describe the bok alot better. At least I hope so.
Anyways, the chapters will be posted in a number of weeks, maybe about three weeks? I don't know, it'll take time.
Anyhow, I'm getting started on them. (:
Friday, January 28, 2011
Starting Line
Hey everyone. I've been really busy reading books,hanging with friend, school, of course, and I've been non- stop working on my music, so I've been really busy with all that.
But, I'm back, and ready to start writing and typing again.
I'm definitely excited to be back on the keyboard working on my novels. :)
So, get ready for some more chapters, cause I'm writing and typing as much as possible. :)
VISIONS IS GONNA BE DONE ON THE BLOG, IN JUST 2 WEEKS, SO I'LL BE UPLOADING ABUT 2 CHAPTERS A DAY, AND I'M ABOUT TO GET STARTED TYPING DANGEROUS FEELINGS, AND I'M STILL WRITING DOWN A COUPLE OTHER BKS, SI STICK AROUND. :)
But, I'm back, and ready to start writing and typing again.
I'm definitely excited to be back on the keyboard working on my novels. :)
So, get ready for some more chapters, cause I'm writing and typing as much as possible. :)
VISIONS IS GONNA BE DONE ON THE BLOG, IN JUST 2 WEEKS, SO I'LL BE UPLOADING ABUT 2 CHAPTERS A DAY, AND I'M ABOUT TO GET STARTED TYPING DANGEROUS FEELINGS, AND I'M STILL WRITING DOWN A COUPLE OTHER BKS, SI STICK AROUND. :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Beginning of the Story of Anabel (Chapter 1 of Dangerous Feelings)
I've never had feelings for someone before.
Well, I have, but not as much feelings for anyone like I had, four months ago, for him, the one.
He was caring, but he betrayed me.
Kind, but also a jerk.
He was there for every moment that I needed someone, and every time I listen to my favorite song, I can remember us dancing, under the gazebo. Under all the lights shining right on him like he was an angel. It was perfect; my perfect moment.
Yet, I probably shouldn't skip through how we met, and the middle of it, so I'll go back to the start.
The first day of me being fourteen. It was also the first day of school back from summer.
I could see my best friends Rayna and Jasmine coming out of their cars in the parking lot. They headed to the entrance, where I was standing.
They yelled out my name, Anabel.
I'm living in Georgia, with my dad and brother Jason. He's supposed to be in college, but he quit to help me grow up, since- my mom died.
She was the closest person to me. But, she's in a better place, and I have to make it through, because I have to be strong.
I changed my whole self for her. I was a goth; emo as it could get.
She hated it. All of it.
So, I thought, after she died, I didn't want her to suffer,so I changed everything about me. My school, life, my friends, my clothes, everything that made me, me.
For my mom.
But anyways, back to school.
They ran over to me.
"Hey Ana!" they yelled.
I hugged them both softly, and then grabbed my backpack off the ground.
"So, how was summer? Mine? Great." Rayna said.
"Fine, I guess." I replied.
"Did you go to Rome?" Jasmine said.
"Uh..no. Not this year." I said.
My biggest dream, ever since I was nine years old, even with my black and sharp accessories covering me, was to go to Rome.
My parents met there, and I've always wanted to see every speck of where my mom was, where she stayed on the vacation, and I always hope, I'd even meet the one for me. Of course money is definitely tight at my house, so I know I'm keeping that dream on hold for a little while.
The bell rang.
"Well, back to school." Jasmine said, as we walked inside.
"More like back to prison." Rayna said.
I chuckled a little, and then headed in.
Notes, reports, homework, same old. Everything I could list of school, I already have.
And it goes on to the end of the school day, where you end it off getting hit in the head with a dodge ball, and an evil coach as loud as a bullhorn, making you run as many laps as you can, until you're literally one of the kids on the ground drenched in sweat, having trouble breathing, as apparently standing up.
I hate gym class.
After gym, I went to the bathroom to change out of my gym clothes. I put on my black leggings, and a short purple sundress. I grabbed my flip flops, and then headed out to the bus.
I grabbed a seat by Rayna, as we rode home.
Well, I have, but not as much feelings for anyone like I had, four months ago, for him, the one.
He was caring, but he betrayed me.
Kind, but also a jerk.
He was there for every moment that I needed someone, and every time I listen to my favorite song, I can remember us dancing, under the gazebo. Under all the lights shining right on him like he was an angel. It was perfect; my perfect moment.
Yet, I probably shouldn't skip through how we met, and the middle of it, so I'll go back to the start.
The first day of me being fourteen. It was also the first day of school back from summer.
I could see my best friends Rayna and Jasmine coming out of their cars in the parking lot. They headed to the entrance, where I was standing.
They yelled out my name, Anabel.
I'm living in Georgia, with my dad and brother Jason. He's supposed to be in college, but he quit to help me grow up, since- my mom died.
She was the closest person to me. But, she's in a better place, and I have to make it through, because I have to be strong.
I changed my whole self for her. I was a goth; emo as it could get.
She hated it. All of it.
So, I thought, after she died, I didn't want her to suffer,so I changed everything about me. My school, life, my friends, my clothes, everything that made me, me.
For my mom.
But anyways, back to school.
They ran over to me.
"Hey Ana!" they yelled.
I hugged them both softly, and then grabbed my backpack off the ground.
"So, how was summer? Mine? Great." Rayna said.
"Fine, I guess." I replied.
"Did you go to Rome?" Jasmine said.
"Uh..no. Not this year." I said.
My biggest dream, ever since I was nine years old, even with my black and sharp accessories covering me, was to go to Rome.
My parents met there, and I've always wanted to see every speck of where my mom was, where she stayed on the vacation, and I always hope, I'd even meet the one for me. Of course money is definitely tight at my house, so I know I'm keeping that dream on hold for a little while.
The bell rang.
"Well, back to school." Jasmine said, as we walked inside.
"More like back to prison." Rayna said.
I chuckled a little, and then headed in.
Notes, reports, homework, same old. Everything I could list of school, I already have.
And it goes on to the end of the school day, where you end it off getting hit in the head with a dodge ball, and an evil coach as loud as a bullhorn, making you run as many laps as you can, until you're literally one of the kids on the ground drenched in sweat, having trouble breathing, as apparently standing up.
I hate gym class.
After gym, I went to the bathroom to change out of my gym clothes. I put on my black leggings, and a short purple sundress. I grabbed my flip flops, and then headed out to the bus.
I grabbed a seat by Rayna, as we rode home.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Epilogue of Cold Summer
I was cold. Like solid ice, sliding on the ground. Yet, I felt OK, except for the chills on my body, running through me like crazy.
I was lying on the ground, my hand shaking. The sirens in the background were cutting the feeling in my ears as it kept ringing over and over again.
My head was numb on the cold floor, and I could feel my stomach growling.
My eyes then opened up all the way, and I heard two voices.
It was the guys.
I slowly rose up, and I saw an ambulance come to my left.
I rose to my feet, and they picked me up. They lied me down in the ambulance bed. Both of them were both outside of the ambulance.
Only one of the guys could come with me on the ride to the hospital, and-
be with me.
They both were in love with me, and I was in love with both of them.
I had to decide.
So I reached out and grabbed his hand.
He the got in and came to my side.
I looked back at him, as I saw him nod at me, and then slowly walk off.
They then shut the door, and I fell asleep on the ride there, a little sad, but Ok I had him.
We finally reached it, and they opened up the doors. The pulled me out onto the bed, and then rolled me into the hospital.
I could see the bright lights flying by me as I was going through the hallway. I looked up to the ceiling, and I saw the sign they were taking me by.
ER.
My heart then started to pound as much as it could, while I was still breathing.
He sat beside me, as I then was put to sleep. I shut my eyes multiple times, but I kept waking back up to see if he was there. Thankfully, very time he was.
I then trusted myself to go to bed, and I shut my eyes.
Everything was pitch black.
No dreams.
Everything was just weird.
I finally woke up the next morning, and he was still sitting there, watching me wake up. He helped me slowly rose up.
"Are you OK?" he asked, as he sat back down.
I didn't respond for a minute, but I then regained conscious.
It was difficult to speak, but I was able to say,
"What happened?"
I was lying on the ground, my hand shaking. The sirens in the background were cutting the feeling in my ears as it kept ringing over and over again.
My head was numb on the cold floor, and I could feel my stomach growling.
My eyes then opened up all the way, and I heard two voices.
It was the guys.
I slowly rose up, and I saw an ambulance come to my left.
I rose to my feet, and they picked me up. They lied me down in the ambulance bed. Both of them were both outside of the ambulance.
Only one of the guys could come with me on the ride to the hospital, and-
be with me.
They both were in love with me, and I was in love with both of them.
I had to decide.
So I reached out and grabbed his hand.
He the got in and came to my side.
I looked back at him, as I saw him nod at me, and then slowly walk off.
They then shut the door, and I fell asleep on the ride there, a little sad, but Ok I had him.
We finally reached it, and they opened up the doors. The pulled me out onto the bed, and then rolled me into the hospital.
I could see the bright lights flying by me as I was going through the hallway. I looked up to the ceiling, and I saw the sign they were taking me by.
ER.
My heart then started to pound as much as it could, while I was still breathing.
He sat beside me, as I then was put to sleep. I shut my eyes multiple times, but I kept waking back up to see if he was there. Thankfully, very time he was.
I then trusted myself to go to bed, and I shut my eyes.
Everything was pitch black.
No dreams.
Everything was just weird.
I finally woke up the next morning, and he was still sitting there, watching me wake up. He helped me slowly rose up.
"Are you OK?" he asked, as he sat back down.
I didn't respond for a minute, but I then regained conscious.
It was difficult to speak, but I was able to say,
"What happened?"
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